I’ll break down the plotline for you. One day George Clooney wants to rescue art. So, he goes and rescues art. His friend gets shot, George Clooney sad, but rescues more art. Then he turns into a Hobbit (more on this later).
Monument men looks like a war movie, but is not a war movie. This is an old man talking about how important culture is movie. If culture is so important to you, why don’t you fucking make some? Monuments Men is a collection of scenes, all comprised of Hollywood’s most likeable and non-threatening middle aged male actors, posing and looking cute in world war two costumes. These are sandwiched in between George Clooney repeating ‘I know is just art but art important Hitler bad man goddammit’ ad nauseum.
Not to mention, the whole movie is a watered down version of The Simpson’s Hellfish Bonanza episode. Except not as funny or exciting, and with much more two dimensional characters. The Americans are the heroes, the English are nice chaps but would much prefer to write a letter or have a cup of tea than shoot anybody. The Frenchmen are rude cowards, the women perfumed soaked jezebels. The Germans and Russians are moustache twirling cartoon villains, all cartoonishly evil. I suspect the target demographic of Monument Men is actual survivors of World War 2.
If you are looking for a movie to watch with your great grandmother, who has just gotten out of brain surgery, is very easily offended, hasn’t seen that many Simpsons episodes, and likes Hobbits, this is probably a bit too vanilla for her.
* The Hobbit thing; there's a bit at the end where they show George Clooney in the future as an old man chuffing about art some more, but the guy is like four feet tall and looks nothing like him. The End.
An actual still from the movie.
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